Enabling a time of self reflection in small or large doses, whatever works for you, is necessary if you’re going to arrive at 'the other side’. A place where you can live more authentically, more honestly, with integrity. More in tune with who YOU are and what’s important to you.
A time of self reflection is vital. We are embarking on a journey. We might encounter set backs or unexpected blocks. That’s par for the course.
We also know deep down what we believe. But have we allowed ourselves to live by these beliefs? Do we dismiss our feelings as irrelevant or just plain awkward? Do we sometimes inadvertently let others tell us what to do and how to act? And do we find ourselves complying for fear of losing their love or attention?
When you think about it, is this the sort of love we want? Conditional upon us acting in accordance with their opinion all the time? Is this healthy for us to be put in a box and judged negatively if we move outside that box or, shock horror, dare to challenge the person who has so much influence over us? Even externally confident people can suffer from this. Don’t be fooled by the bold exterior. Most of us are a mass of insecurity! Responding to a feeling of control (real or imagined) is evident in little actions too. Not just the big ones.
For example, here’s a weird one, but hopefully illustrates the point. For whatever reason when I am a passenger in a car (and in fact even driving!) I feel I have to be considerate/submissive to the other person I am travelling with. Let’s say I’d like to stop for a pee, or would love a coffee. Or see a stunning sunset or fascinating cloud forms that I want to photograph. And yet, do I ask? If I do and they say no, they don’t want to thanks, or make a sighing sound, then I sit quiet. Well I used to. I’ve started to be brave. I now say, well actually I’d like to, so please pull over at the next petrol station/layby. Told you it was weird and ‘small’. But OH SO SIGNIFICANT to me. The first time I did it, only a couple of years ago, I was driving and decided to be assertive and say, gonna pull in here, that ok with you? Fancy a coffee? And the world did not come crashing down. I’ve also done ‘brave’ things like order a snack at a pub when the other person does not want one and then eaten it, with alacrity. More than once!
And I am not what you would call a shrinking violet. So I wonder if anyone can relate to the passivity I was just talking about? The people pleasing you could probably call it? Or am I out on a weird little limb here? Either way, hope my sharing my vulnerability (it was a *little* bit embarrassing ) helped you to realise that we really need to exercise our personal power and desires more, in the small every day things, otherwise we WILL be taken advantage of and feel a sense of disquiet and perhaps disappointment in ourselves. We owe it to ourselves to love ourselves and love this life and live it to the max for all those lovely people we know who were not given the chance, who were taken from this life due to illness or depression before their time.
So talking of other people and the lyrics here. “I’ll see you on the other side”. Important because it’s a solo trip. HAS to be. Because it affects and relates to no one else. Yes it seems indulgent and perhaps selfish (a word which makes me recoil) but having failed to avoid that tag, I might as well embrace it and say, yes, well if that’s selfish then I am sorry but it’s vitally important for me to…do whatever.
Sometimes we just need to keep our own counsel, block the world out and listen to what’s inside. I’ll see you when you’re done. I hope you enjoy listening to the most important person in your world. You.